Last weekend Chloe was having tummy time and she rolled tummy to back. She only did it once and didn't do again that time or since.
But yesterday she was on her back on her playmat and she was making cute noises while i was on the computer doing christmas list stuff for her. All of a sudden she stopped making noise so i jumped up to make sure everything was okay. Low and behold she was on her tummy and lifting her head up so high to look around. I was so proud but i also thought it was probably a one time thing because she had barely mastered how to roll from tummy to back. But now every single time i put her on her back she keep rolling over!
It's amazing to watch her grow and learn new things every day.
She still hasn't giggled/laughed yet and that makes me sad, but she is SO Smiley! So it's okay, i just hope the giggling comes soon. She will be Four months old the day after christmas. :]

Also, she has a cold and it is miserable hearing my little baby cough and sneeze :[

 Chloe has been sleeping in her crib for almost a week now.
She is only two months but the only option we had was to use the CIO method. And now it only takes about a half hour to soothe herself into sleep. I don't assholes to comment this telling me i was wrong to use this method at such a young age, so keep your negative comments to yourself. If i didn't try this method she would still be sleeping on me which is unsafe and i needed some sleep in a bed, i had been sleeping in a chair with her since she came home from the hospital, which is two months. Every time we put her down when she is asleep she would wake up screaming bloody murder within literally 5-10 minutes. The only thing that was working [and damn well, too - she slept FULL nights without waking up once] was her sleeping on me. But it's just not healthy for me or for her.
Anyway, we have a schedule. 

I feed her at 8pm and keep her awake until 9. Then daddy goes up and gets bathtime ready and i take her into her nursery and undress her and let her hang out in her crib and watch her mobile. Then daddy gives her a bath and we put a diaper on her and give her a nice lavender baby massage. Then we hang out in the rocking chair in her room, i turn the lights off and just put a night light on and turn on some Wave sounds. I feed her and rock her and then put her to bed when she is finally asleep. 
She sleeps for a half hour, and then wakes up. She cries for about a half hour maybe forty minutes and while she does we go in every five to six minutes [We started at 3, then at 4, then at 5 in the beginning. I don't really want to move it up any more though, so six is my limit.] and wind up her mobile, rub her tummy, shush her & talk to her, and then leave. 
By 30-40 minutes she is asleep and it has been especially helpful that she has recently found her hands. :] 
At first she was waking up at 3, 5, and 7am and i would pick her up and feed her and put her back to sleep and she wouldn't cry at all after the initial "crying it out" at the beginning of the night. But now she sleeps all night long in her crib and wakes up around 7am every morning, and i feed her and put her back down so i can catch another hour or so of sleep and she wakes me up again at about 9am. Then we come downstairs and have playtime. 

At first i was feeling really badly about doing this, but it has obviously worked great. I can even put her down to nap during the day and she will stay asleep in her bassinet. It seems she has learned to soothe herself. 

Tummy time is getting better also, she doesn't cry much anymore unless she gets tired of it. And she has also starting to roll to her side. 
I just can't wait to get a laugh out of her! She doesn't 'talk' much, but she smiles like crazy. 
She is such a sweet girl. :] 



 

 Chloe had her second well baby doctors appointment last week since she will be 2 months on the 26th of october where she got her shots [which was so sad to watch, by the way] and she was weighed & measured. She is already up 4 lbs since birth at a whopping 13 lbs 13oz and she is 24 inches which is 3 inches more than at birth. 
So she is doing very well. 

All i really need to do is learn how to get her to not sleep on me at night because i really miss sleeping in a bed. She is sleeping through the night [literally from about 11pm to 9am] which is great, but the second i put her down she screams so i end up sleeping in a chair all night. I have seriously not slept in a bed since we brought her home from the hospital. 

I really need a night to myself to hang out with friends but it's proving to be impossible since she refuses to take a bottle of my pumped breast milk which is just turning to be a giant waste of time pumping because its just sitting in the freezer for no good reason.. and then theres the part where kyle doesn't understand how much i need a break even if it's just for a couple of hours, really. 
but whatever.
pictures. :]

 I was induced on the 25th, and by 11pm that night i was having some serious contractions and was about 7cm dilated.
By 11:45-12am i started pushing. 
I originally had an epidural which worked wonders on those godawful contractions, but the way she was turned, her head was stuck under my pelvic bone. They thought i was going to have to have a c-section because i just couldn't get her past that point. Needless to say, they turned my epidural off and i ended up pushing for 3 hours with absolutely no type of pain relief. But it definitely helped get her out because i couldn't handle all of the pushing by the third hour and i went on a pushing tangent and blocked out the nurses and the doctors telling me when to push, and literally pushed for about a half hour straight with no breaks because i was in so much pain and just needed her out.
As she came out her head turned, my boyfriend said he could actually see her head turning. I am glad i said no to the mirror, haha! 


Anyway, at 3:14 am on the 26th of August, Chloe was born weighing 9lbs 6oz and 21 1/2 inches long. 
I didn't get to see her too much at first because she pooped in me and they were worried that because it was a long labor there was a chance of it affecting her. But eventually a doctor came in and looked at her and by the way she was screaming her head off made the doctor think she was just fine :] 



I am breastfeeding, but i am having a little bit of trouble. She is a great latcher and everything, but she eats like every hour and by the end of the night i literally have nothing left to give her and she screams and cries all night long because she is hungry and i can't satisfy her. It is heartbreaking not being able to make her content and happy and i am going on two days with just minutes of sleep because there is no settling her when she is hungry..

I just got back from my doctors appointment, and after waiting an hour and a half i finally got to see my doctor.
He told me they would schedule me for an induction and to talk to the receptionist about whenever that would happen.

He did not, however, make it sound to me as though i would be going in for the induction tomorrow morning at 6:30 am.
But apparently, i am!

I am extremely anxious/nervous/scared/excited all at once. I can't wait to see our little girl, but i am very nervous about being induced.

Over due.

I have an appointment monday to get scheduled to be induced.

i want you now, Chloe.

Me & Kyle had our Childbirth class today, we woke up a little late but we made it there semi-timely.
9:00am-4:00pm and i am officially exhausted.

I'm pretty sure the baby dropped during the class. I'm feeling very crampy and my back is hurting more than usual, and when i sit it looks like my tummy is between my legs.



just thought i'd update. :]
my due date is on tuesday.

So. As of last week, at my weekly appointment, i am officially 1 centimeter dilated and my cervix has began thinning.
But, god only knows it's not going as quickly as i'd like! My next appointment is on the 18th, i'm not sure why it's more than a week away this late in the pregnancy but the lady looked new so i can only assume she didn't know what the fuck she was doing.

Besides that, soon to be Chloe's room is all done, we have washed all of her clothes, gotten a bassinet for the first couple of months so she can sleep in our room with us, and returned the flimsy bouncy seat that i had originally picked out for a new and better one. [granted, it's green but a lot safer feeling. and she doesn't always have to have everything be pink!]

Me & kyle are good.
We aren't fighting, we aren't bickering, we still love each other a lot. So what more can i ask for?
[perhaps a little bit more attention? but knowing me, i'll never have enough]


Life is good, i just want Chloe to be here. asap.

i want this baby out!

:] test results came back negative.
The baby is growing just fine, her heartbeat is nice and strong.
And she will be here soon!

Hopefully we can get everything we still need to get in time for her arrival, because i'm stressin like crazy.

my dad has a girlfriend and it's only been six fucking months since my mommy passed away.

he disgusts me.

42 days until my due date.


my day kind of sucked. it was a very negative day and i couldn't straighten up and get positive.
and every time my heart wanted to, my brain made me stray back to the gray course that always calls me when i don't need it to.



i dont think anyone really realizes how scary it is to have a baby with someone who is just a boyfriend and not a husband, especially as young as we are. the chances of us falling apart are great, and it's so scary.
i want to be a family, all three of us. forever.

My baby shower was beautiful and ever since, my baby brain has turned into a strictly baby brain. All i think about is Chloe and i can't wait to see her in all of the adorable clothes that we got, and i can't wait to take her for walks in the stroller we got, and i cant wait to see her in the swing and bouncy seat thing we got.
:] I love going into the room downstairs to look at all of the presents people gave us for the shower, it makes me think of her and i think of all of the different things we are going to share with her.

Yesterday Chloe was responding to Kyles voice in the car. He was talking to her and she was moving all around, it made me want to cry it was so awesome. I hope he is as excited as i am. It is going to be such hard work but totally worth it in the long run, i am not fooling myself and i do not think it's going to be all fun times all of the time. I realize the stress and exhaustion that comes with having a baby, but i think we will be just fine.

i miss kyle all of the time! Whenever he is working i just wishwishwish he will come home and cuddle. After the baby is born he should be taking a week off from work, so that will be a load of help..

steph posted all of these photos from my baby shower and i guess i just haven't had my photo taken in a really long time because i didn't realize how much weight i have gained. I really wanted to just bawl my eyes out when i saw those pictures, i'm scared kyle isn't going to want me anymore. :[ I don't know how he does, now. I'm so disappointed in myself. Ugh, writing about this is making me upset. :[


anyway, i am 33 weeks and 1 day pregnant, and there are only 46

Kyle had his very first fathers day yesterday :]
i bought him a book that is more like something he would read, instead of pressuring him to read shit he might not be interested in.

i hate this humidity, i am so swollen it hurts to walk D:

i can't wait until you get here, Chloe! <3
We're going to have an amazing family - mommy&daddy love you already. <3

Things feel so goooddd!
I had a great weekend.
We went to Kymbers friday, didn't leave until five am saturday. Kyle then decided that he was going to die if he did not get a Belgian waffle, so we found a diner on street road that was open and got some yumyums :D. We left the diner around 7:30 and came home and slept. But he was fuckin my sleep up so i woke up around 10 or 11. We hung out about the house for most of the day since he didn't wake up until around two.
We went to his nieces birthday party at his brothers house and that was nice, i love his family. :] We stayed there til night time pretty much and then came home.
We went to target before we went to the birthday party and he bought me a pretty maternity dress<3
:]

Saturday night we went back over to Kymbers house and slept there, we woke up but no one was awake yet so we snuck out and got some burger king. On the way home Kyle was a nice boy and took me to A.C. moore because he loves me and he knows how bad i've been itching to do some arts and crafts. After looking through the store i got sad because i decided there was nothing i wanted to make and the wire jewelery i wanted to make was too expensive when i can just go to home depot and get the same shit for a fraction of their prices >=0
But then kyle found me in the store and told me to come with him because he had the perfect plan of what we could make.

and we then bought like $150 dollars worth of chocolate candy making supplies :]
IT'S SO FUN! And i have eaten so much friggin chocolate in the past 24 hours i am going ot explode with chocolatey goodness :]]. It was really nice sitting with him doing dorky fun cute things with him<3 It made my night.

That was my weekend.
Kyle is now at work and i am sitting in front of the computer. of course.

Today i hope to [almost] finish the half blood prince, i'm like three quarters of the way done. I'm so excited for the movie to come out, i can't wait to see it in imax.
I also hope to go through some of the baby clothes that Kyles cousin[?] Kelly gave me, there are two huge bags filled with pink things that i am just itching to go through and say "awww" a million times! 
And the new season premier of weeds comes on tonight! YAYAYAYAY!

Officially 29 weeks.
Officially 205 fucking pounds.
Officially feeling like a cow :[

Me and kyle bought Chloe her first outfit [don't be alarmed, we are waiting for the baby shower until we start buying things, thus avoiding buying things we don't need] today. Granted, it was from rite aid while i was picking up a vitamin prescription, but it was a pink onesie that says "Someone in Langhorne, PA loves me" haha, it was adorable.

I don't know if me being down had to do with crazy pregnancy hormones or whether i was just feeling lonely.

But either way, i am feeling a little better. I swear, the second i just get some reassurance from Kyle it's like everything is fine again.

:]

Last night we went to Kymbers<3 and hung out, and that was nice. Chloe won't kick for Aunt Kymber though and that makes me sad :[
I've been sitting online looking at videos about newborns and care for newborns and then i made the mistake of watching someone give birth and i almost threw up.
But when i was talking about the baby to Kyle online while i was reading/watching things about babies, my nipples started leaking and i have to get changed now. I'm wondering if they started leaking because i was thinking about the baby? The body is weird!


my tummy is SO FUCKING ITCHY it won't stop. it sucks so bad. and scratching it hurtssss. :[
i slabbed like a handful of lotion on there but alas, it is still itching like crazy!


I can't wait to go pick out colors for the babies room this weekend :]
getting ready, getting ready! [although i am seven months now, so we should have been getting ready before hand]
Friends should be receiving shower invites either today or tomorrow!

I like life right now.
I don't feel sick anymore.
And my back is all better: after going to the hospital two weeks ago because i thought i had a kidney infection, since that was where the pain was, and after being told by the doctor at 1am that it was just a pulled muscle and the results all came up negative.. i get a call about a week ago telling me that SURPRISE i do have an infection, and i need to go get me some antibiotics. I took them for literally three days and my back feels fine again.
It made me angry that they just overlooked me and didn't take me seriously, as if i didn't know what i was talking about. And then they just were completely unapologetic when they called up and nonchalantly told me i DO have an infection.

But whatever, i feel better now.

Kyle bought me a cell phone, i haven't had one in like a year. Ever since i broke mine, my parents were too broke to help me out with a new one. And i have no income right now so i was pretty much content with not having one and just using Kyles if i needed to. But it feels nice to have one again, even if i have no friends to talk to anymore hah.

Last night we made out for like forty five minutes straight and it made me remember why i fell in love with him all over again. This is the longest relationship i have ever been in and things aren't always new and fresh and exciting with us anymore, and we don't really have time to just sit there and make out often, since we are usually talking about the baby, future plans, etc. So last night was nice, it made me feel like we were fresh again and that felt really good.

He is going to be the best daddy and husband in the whole world, and i can't wait to be a part of a family with him. This all may not have been what we planned our lives to be, but it happened. And there is no escaping that, and as for right now? We are embracing it. I can't wait to have our daughter in my arms, and i can't wait to see him be a daddy to her. I can't wait to have this life that we have started with him. Although it wasn't what we planned, this works just fine just the same. :]





Here is the newest ultrasound of baby Chloe with her mouth open & smiling.
It's ridiculous. i want her nowww. :]

<3

Kyle, being the GREATEST guy EVER,

bought me a pink FujiFilm FinePix Z30 camera, an awesome digital picture frame, a cute little bag to carry my cute little camera in, and an SD card. :D

Kyle is a mystery, i thought guys were supposed to be shitty? He has proved this to be wrong somehow, after it had been wired into my brain for years of shitty dating and shitty men who did shitty things.

I am a happy mommy this mothers day. :] He was so sweet to get these things for me and i'm so happy i finally have a camera.
I have seriously ALWAYS wanted a pink camera but they always seemed to have crappy picture taking qualities, so i always opted out and bought a boring silver camera with better abilities/qualities instead.
But this camera is sick. It's 10mp, and it has some really cool features, and it's PINK. haha.
He said he was looking at SLR's [DROOOOOLLL] but he said he wanted to get me something that i knew was just for me, and not secretly for him. Oh, how i love this boy.
Plus an SLR is pretty impractical anyway, because with baby on the way we will need just a little point and shoot type of thing.

On another note, today is sad for me as it's the first holiday i am spending with my mom gone. And go figure it's a holiday that specifically needs her to be involved in it. I've been crying and all upset and thinking about her all week though, so it's nothing new. I wish she was here, but i can't change anything.
 

    
                               Me at 20 weeks                                              &                                 Me at 25 weeks


I somehow grew five more babies in my tummy in only five weeks haha.
and i'm still growingggg.


besides that, i am feeling like DEATH. i am so sore, and my back hurts so badly that i could barely sleep at all last night.
:[

meow. i miss kyle, when he goes to work every morning i miss him so much.